A lot of people have asked me about my love life, and are shocked to find out that I haven't had a boyfriend in about 6 years. I sometimes am made to feel like this is BAD thing. My family is constantly saying "you need to go out and meet someone" or friends try to hook me up with men and are frustrated when i'm not interested. Let me explain something to you, so you have a better understanding of where I'm at in my life...
I have always been an insecure person. That being said, when I started gaining weight 6 years ago I just became more and more obsessed with how I looked and how terrible I felt. Hating myself became a constant thing, which led me to gain more weight and make poor decisions. I often thought about love and how I wished that it would come along for me one day soon. It never did... because, even though I didn't know it at the time, I was "unavailable".
I've spent the last 6 years fighting for self worth. Last summer I lost 30 pounds and it was amazing how quickly my inner and outer transformation took effect. I felt confident... for the first time EVER. I wasn't even at my goal weight, but I was so proud of myself for being able to accomplish something that I have struggled with for so long. For the first time in a long time I felt "available" and ready to meet that right guy, because I felt like if I found someone now it wouldn't make me feel like I was settling. I went on a few dates with some good and not-so-good guys. Nothing felt right, and then I started gaining weight again...
Being overweight has held me back from a lot of things. I know it probably shouldn't, and I might have an extremely unhealthy view of myself, but I acknowledge that and try to remind myself that who I am on the outside shouldn't define my entire life. However, I need to feel good about myself and losing weight will definitely help me get to a good place.
So, here's why I haven't had a boyfriend in 6 years... I don't want one. I don't want to settle for someone because I feel bad about myself. I have seen too many people settle and then end up miserable because they just didn't want to be alone. That's not going to be me.
Here I am now... 12 pounds down and back on the road to feeling good and confident. I'm hopeful that it will stick this time and that I will finally be able to move on with my life. Maybe I will meet the man for me, but until then I am perfectly content in waiting.
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Proud of you KBug.. you've gotta take care of numero uno... I am glad you are so self aware it will help you in the long run. And life isn't a race. Definitely don't settle. I am so glad someone gave me the advice not to settle... because my relationship with my husband is incredibly strong and happy because of it. We were together two years before we married and in those two years we were working on ourselves and on our relationship.. so we both went into it strong and confident with everything laid out on the table.. no surprises. I've seen so many marriages of people who "settled" crumble around me and it breaks my heart.. I wish I could give them what I have with Ethan or share that kind of knowledge of self-worth and co-working in a relationship with others to save the marriages around me but I can't.. you've definitely got a good head on your shoulders... You are gonna go far and whenever you do meet mr. RIght he will be a VERY lucky guy. Love you chica.
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